What does a five pound car look like? It looks a bit like a 20 year old Nissan Micra with 140,000 miles on the clock, a 1.1 engine, one month’s MOT and 10 days tax. That is what a five pound car looks like.

Why then would a 17 year old lad with £6500 to spend on a car buy it?

Because he will spend the other £6495 on a gruffler exhaust to make a big man noise as he passes the local school in the summer.

He will also add some itty blue lights so if the schoolgirls can only hear him in the winter they will see the itty blue light streaks past the school in a blur of testosterone. A £1000 radio system with the treble removed so the windscreen ‘bass bulges’ and the wipers rattle further adds to the image as the sound barrier is ripped to pieces in the 20mph zone on the road outside.

Careful timing on the approach means he gets to slow down and even stop at the lollipop man, sorry, person with the booming bass putting a froth on the contents of the poor persons hip flask.

A £6500 investment in image, bravado and general cool. Why then are all the girl, boys and parents laughing their nuts off?

Perhaps it is because rather than ‘noise up’ a £5 car with a 1.1 engine to save on the insurance, put spoilers on it so it hold the road better in the traffic jam at school out time in a 20mph zone and disrupt the turbulence for landing aircraft at Heathrow with his sound system.

He could have spent the dough on a new motor, with free servicing, less petrol and an image that he has money to burn.

Mr. V. F. Angry

Address supplied

The Monkey is a professional photographer on a regional newspaper

Monkey is the word used in the newspaper industry to refer to a Photographer

Tagged as: boomboys, issue 10, nissan micra, rant, the monkey