The cinematic visionary Orson Welles once wrote: “We’re born alone. We live alone. We die alone. Only through love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.” It was this loneliness, depression and resultant chronic alcoholism that eventually killed the great man. It would however appear that he was not alone (no pun intended) as one in every three people suffers from depression, with loneliness being the major contributing factor.
In our society there is some confusion over the distinction between being alone and feeling alone. The causative element leading to depression is the sense of isolation, which can affect the sufferer even when he or she is in a crowded room.
In December 2009, a study from Chicago University found that loneliness could be progressive. It concludes that lonely people tend to “move to the edge of their social network” and in doing so, they lose their remaining friends. Lonely people, especially women can apparently transmit the hopeless feelings of loneliness to those around them. This can have one of two effects: One is the total destruction of their ailing social network. The other is less obvious, because in an attempt to deal with their problem, many people seek comfort in a self-help group. A positive step you might think, but on closer examination, one can sense the fear of socialisation among the group, a group that is in essence, a room full of lonely people, hiding in plain sight.
This self-imposed isolation collective, where bonding is achieved only by the mutual commiseration over competitive wretchedness, sentences its hopeless participants to an eternity of desolation.
Unlike an AA meeting where the very proclamation of one’s dependency on alcohol is itself a form of empowerment, the meeting of lonely people should not serve to perpetuate that very thing which has brought them together.
Loneliness is a problem that may simply stem from a person’s lack of confidence, perhaps due to their physical appearance and in turn frequent rejection. It can also develop through repeated communication problems that can often exist between married couples. It can arise from a painful experience, non-conformist ideologies, behavioural routines or insecurities.
A 2010 scientific review involving a population in excess of 300,000 has revealed that inadequate social networking and frequent isolation can give rise to adverse health effects equal to that caused by smoking and alcohol abuse. It was also found that those who experienced sufficient social interactions were 50 per cent more likely to live longer than those who were more socially isolated.
Loneliness is an emotional state of mind. It can also be a comfort zone or even act as a defence mechanism for some. Any state of mind can therefore be altered by a powerful emotional influence. The real problem faced by isolated individuals is their willingness to leave their protective cloak of loneliness.
The purity of solitude is the ability to be alone without the negative feelings of loneliness. It is considered by some to be a sanctuary, a time of reflection and creativity.
The fine line separating loneliness and solitude could well be the key to dispelling its effects. It amounts to the lessening of an individual’s bias towards his or her reasons for choosing to be lonely.
One of the fundamental strategies in overcoming loneliness therefore is to consciously choose to become such an outwardly confident, positive and sociable person, that people are naturally attracted to you.
If only it were that simple…
“If I’m such a legend, then why am I so lonely? Let me tell you, legends are all very well if you’ve got somebody around who loves you.”
Judy Garland
More from Beresford LeRoy Davis can be found at
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