Entertainment Writing

Only The Young.. will lose

Ok, so we don’t normally do sad face, growly beat down articles, preferring instead to make space for the things we do actually like. But hey, we’re not perfect, we’ve had some cider which always makes us a bit grrrrrrr AND this was waved in front of us, so we’re gonna say some stuff.

Only The Young were apparently plucked from obscurity by Capital and Vodafone to play at Wembley’s Summertime Ball some time or other, and got lots of people to make a cheap video for them at the same time using selfies and such like. #nice

For a band plucked from obscurity they have a surprising lack of songs #likenone – a Twitter feed which started a few weeks before the Capital competition and are very chummy with Little Mix #handy.

Their website can’t even be bothered to try to make them sound exciting, opting instead to go for the hooky “created and developed at management company, The Qworkz”. (how do you say that anyway?)

Very meta.

C’MON KIDS!!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!!

Jesus even The Vamps had one song (admittedly looking a bit thin on the ground after “Can We Dance” clearly caught everybody by surprise). but hey, one song is 100% more than none…. isn’t it??

Only The Young reeks of laziness, it’s so far beyond cynical it makes our teeth itch and Qworkz would clearly sell AK47s to toddlers if it was only legal.

C”MON MIKEY, BETSY, CHARLIE & PARISA, you’re smiling through the media equivalent of date rape and selling your networks for pocket change. Kill your managers. Write a track called Capital Sucks. You’ll mean way more to far fewer people.

Alternatively, go awol for 24 hours and go hang out with Only Real for the night, they’ll be way more fun and might have a mate who can get you a free phone for a lot less sacrifice.

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Beat Ed

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