We could all learn something from *Samantha Taylor’s determined and positive attitude. “Sometimes we spend so much time knocking on a closed door that we fail to see an open door waiting for us to go through” she says, talking of her recent decision to pose for topless photos – an act of defiance against the reconstructive breast surgery which has left her right breast severely scarred. The photos show a proud and tenacious woman, beautifully captured and ready to fight to regain the figure which she feels is rightfully hers.
Samantha, on the brink of reaching 50, is currently waiting for her new surgeon to repair the damage caused by a series of botched operations and reconstructions that have left her emotionally as well as physically battered. She is hopeful that, finally, she will be in possession of a body she can be proud of once again; to someone as youthful, beautiful and vibrant as Samantha, this is clearly an important part of her identity.
Samantha has been used to using her looks and body throughout her career, having started off as a gymnast and becoming the British Acrobatic Gymnastics champion before retiring at age 21 to become a member of a gymnastic dance theatre group. “Then, after a few years, I left the theatre group to go on the cabaret circuit as a Fire Eater” she states, nonchalantly, as if this were something fairly commonplace.
Samantha also acted, taking parts in several films – she featured as a Fire Eater in the Bond movie, Octopussy, and had small acting parts in a number of television shows including Casualty and Eastenders.
At twenty-eight Samantha gave birth to her son and decided that she needed to provide for him as a priority. As a single parent she took a number of ‘steady’ jobs, leaving her acting career and caring for her child until, a few years later, she became quite ill.
Samantha says that she knew that she was not well “I went to the doctor over and over, but he didn’t believe me and kept telling me that there was nothing wrong”. Samantha continued to notice that her right breast hurt and became extremely concerned when she began to smell something every time she leant over her body.
It turned out that Samantha had an abscess in the breast, which the doctor had not noticed, and that her body was decaying from the inside – hence the foul smell. “Other Mums in the playground began to comment as I could not put my make up on straight. The poison in my body was affecting my brain and I couldn’t control my hand properly and my speech would slur. I became quite ill and then one evening, sitting in front of the mirror, I put my hand to my breast and my hand just sank into the breast, splattering green gunk all over the mirror”. The abscess had burst and Samantha was taken to hospital, but it was here that her troubles really began.
“After the ambulance took me to hospital, there was no room on the ward so I was left on a trolley all night with no blanket.” Samantha was told that her breast would need to be removed and this was done in the hospital. She was told that she would be placed on a waiting list for reconstructive surgery. “Every month for four years, I would ring them up and ask them when they could do it. Every month they told me I was not a priority. Then, after all that, they sent me a letter telling me that the NHS could not fund the reconstructive surgery as it was considered cosmetic.” Samantha was devastated at this, and very angry, especially considering that a friend of hers was, at that time, offered a nose job funded by the NHS.
Undeterred, Samantha took cleaning jobs, on top of her normal job, and began to save up to pay privately for the surgery.
After a few years of saving, she went to a local surgeon and underwent the surgery. “It was awful” she exclaims “It looked so unnatural and it was a different size to the other breast!” She began to save again, and this time opted for implants in both breasts to even things out but the breasts, again, ended up different sizes and although aware that many women have different sized breasts, Samantha felt that having paid good money they should have looked considerably better. “I complained to the surgeon but he seemed very dismissive. I felt as if he had taken my money and didn’t care about the results. As a woman your breasts are so important to the way you feel and see yourself and he didn’t seem at all bothered and said I would just have to get used to it”.
Samantha’s dissatisfaction with the way she looked began impacting on her sex life and the way that she dressed and behaved. She wasn’t interested in dancing anymore because of the unnatural movement in her breast caused by the surgeon using muscle to build up the bulk behind the breast.
When the implants ruptured Samantha underwent further surgery but, once again, the breasts ended up different sizes and with unnatural movement in the reconstructed right breast. Again, she felt dismissed by the surgeon and began to accept advice from her family that she should learn to love the way she was.
Towards the end of last year Samantha decided that she would save once again to have the damage repaired. This time, she would find a surgeon who would treat her well and respect her wishes. “I’ve been to a couple of surgeons who have said that there is nothing they can do as there is so much damage but, hopefully, I think I have found someone who thinks that he can help”.
Samantha is enthusiastic and hopeful that when she wakes up on her 50th birthday later in the year she will have two equally sized breasts that she is proud of and will finally lay to rest this painful episode of her life.
As part of that path to healing she commissioned someone to take tastefully shot photographs of her topless, so that she could see herself as a beautiful woman again.
Samantha is gorgeous and has a body that women half her age would be grateful for and is right to flaunt it and be proud of it. The photos are beautiful and show a resolute and optimistic woman. It is a mark of her determination and pride that she is pleased to produce such works of art to show how being strong-minded and persistent will get you where you want to be. Hopefully she will wake up, aged 50, in the knowledge that her breasts, both of them, are as balanced and beautiful as the rest of her.
* name changed to protect privacy
We would like to thank Samantha Taylor for having the courage to share her story and photographs.
Samantha Taylor chose the photographer Doug Harding, who has a project to help women who have been through adversity to see themselves in a new and beautiful way through the photographs he takes of them. He has worked with a range of women from the victims of accidents to cancer survivors.
Doug Harding can be found at Kaptured Moments
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